Since I am in charge of the bulletin for our church I thought it would be funny to pass this along. Thankfully I don't think I have had any of these happen to me!
· The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
· The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
· Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
· Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
· The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
· Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
· Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
· Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
· For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
· Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
· The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
· Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
· At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
· Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
· Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
· Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
· The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
· Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
· The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
· This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
· Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
· The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
· Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
· The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
· Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
· The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours".
· The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
· Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
· Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
· The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
· Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
· Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
· Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
· For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
· Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
· The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
· Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
· At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
· Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
· Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
· Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
· The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
· Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
· The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
· This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
· Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
· The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
· Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
· The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
· Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
· The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours".
1 comments:
Those are funny. Thanks for the good post.
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